#funny

Funny, 'ow you can 'old a jewel in your 'and, and toss it away, and not even know what you 'ad until it's gone. ↗

— Jennifer Donnelly

#funny

A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able to chew through the cloth separating him from our American freedom. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #funny

50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#earn #fair #fairness #funny #humor

Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#god #humor #man-upstairs #slinky #funny

Want to dance? We have music this time. And I don't have to punch you when we finish. ↗

— Amy Tintera

#funny #reboot #funny

My legs, arms, torso, underarms, and parts of my eyebrows have been stripped of the stuff, leaving me like a plucked bird, ready for roasting. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#funny

Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude. ↗

— Bauvard

#love #unrequited-love #funny

ʺWhy,ʺ he began slowly, ʺis Victor Dashkov joining us?ʺ ʺWell, itʹs kind of a funny story . . .ʺ ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose #victor #funny

Four lips, two mouths, one kiss, ½ of love (Agatha wasn’t into me, apparently). My mouth does nothing but long to kiss Agatha, and my penis would long if only it weren’t so short. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #love #funny