#funny

Friendship is like putting butter on your socks before you slide them on. Sure, we all do it occasionally, but most of us would rather eat breakfast bare-handed at least once in a while. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#butter #food #friendship #funny #humor

Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors" opened up for "The Cars. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #jim-morrison #music #musicians

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gift #joy #reward #funny

You know what i can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, i mean endlessly, i've been telling you for years. So why don't you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you? ↗

— David Nicholls

#inspirational #funny

She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?" "What did... he looked like a guy. So?" "A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?" "I guess... Not the dog-headed guy." "I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument. "Good-looking. I knew it!" And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house. My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#strange #the-red-pyramid #funny

Just because a guy rings your bell, doesn't mean you have to toot his horn. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#funny

The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #quit #smoking #thinking #funny

If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#funny

Aliens—if they exist—are little green men with big eyes and spindly arms or…or giant insects or something like a lumpy little creature.” Daemon let out a loud laugh. “ET?” “Yes! Like ET, asshole. I’m so glad you find this funny. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#katy #funny

The funny thing about writing is that whether you're doing well or doing it poorly, it looks the exact same. That's actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing. ↗

— John Green

#funny #writing #funny