#funny

Mia bows dramatically. “Welcome, kind Sir. Princess Mia has been awaiting your presence. ↗

— K.A. Tucker

#j-a-tucker #mia-trent #ten-tiny-breaths #funny

What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that... ↗

— Tsugumi Ohba

#humour #stupidity #funny

Great," Shane said. "Look i'd rather not be on janitorial duty. I have allergies to cleaners." "And to cleaning," Michael said. "Look who's talking, Didn't the do one of those Animal Planet documentaries about the roaches in your room? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

Funyuns make you fart," Caspian said, and I exploded in laughter. "What's so funny?" Ben asked. I tried to stop laughing, but Caspian was leaning forward now, his face stck right in between us. "Funyuns give you bad breath, too. Not very attractive to the ladies." He paused. "ON second thought... enjoy your Funyuns, Ben!" I had to bite the side of my cheek to keep from giggling. The fact that Ben had no clue what was going on made it even harder to stop. ↗

— Jessica Verday

#ben #caspian #funny #funyuns #funny

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#funny #past #funny

If the law can be broken it will. Anyone who breaks the law is a risk. You can break the law. So you see, I have to take you in for questioning. This produce stand has an ominous future. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #murphy-s-law #funny

As we drove uptown, I spotted a Kmart on a corner,with its familiar red sign.I cleared my throat."Wait. Can we stop for a minute?" "What for?" "Just - I need a few things." He looked irritated, but pulled into a metered space. "We don't really have time to go shopping." I glared at him."yeah, excuse me for being so frivolous. You have your suitcase all packed already; I dont even have clean underwear.I'll be right back. ↗

— L.A. Weatherly

#funny

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#funny #twilight #vampire #funny

I’ve always felt that Mimi was a doubly selfish name. It’s all about me, not you, Mimi. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#selfish #funny

Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About: - Titanic sinking again. - Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda. - Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #panda #puppies #titanic #funny