#funny

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one. ↗

— Criss Jami

#attraction #fantasy #funny #funny-but-true #gallant

I'd like to thank William the conqueror for the Normandy Conquest. Because of him I've been speaking French every time I say the pledge of allegiance on D-day. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #language #normandy #funny

Promiscuous clone-love is the only way to realize the maxim, ‘love your neighbor as yourself. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #love #funny

New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly. ↗

— Jeannette Walls

#funny

Geniuses that point the way exist in abundance, but mediocrity's true prophet has yet to emerge. We may not be able to choose a direction to go, but at least we’re still walking around. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#genius #humor #idiots #funny

Form a sacred bond. That way if your government one doesn't get repaid, you'll have something to pawn. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lover #funny

I think I’ll hang myself under the tree that Agatha and I had our first picnic under. I’ll just have to reschedule my dentist appointment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #suicide #funny

There are too many books, so I’m writing one that’s flame resistant. I’m putting it on the shelf of my next job. My current job is as a librarian, which is the perfect position for an arsonist. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

A labyrinth is an ancient series of spiraling circels created on the ground with stones that you walk through. You're supposed to ponder some big question like what you should be when you grow up or if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? (I say no, because a sound is only invisible waves in the air until it hits someones ear, but Kenny says yes because the resulting crash would still cause vibrations and the earth itself would "here" it.) ↗

— Wendy Mass (Every Soul A Star)

#thoughtfull #funny

That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me. ↗

— Jon Acuff

#christianity #funny #funny