#funny

It's empty." Duane swore harsh enough to make a sailor blush, calling into question not only the suspect's parentage, but that somehow duck's were involved. ↗

— Andrew Grey

#love

...so much has been laid on the sunset—heavy-handed metaphors, sentimental music. Everyone’s always walking into them, and that is some very intense light. Maybe that’s where the term “love is blind” comes from, because so many people are walking into sunsets, burning out their corneas. ↗

— Kirk Farber

#love

A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you to carry it across the desert. You’d better get walking, because me and my camel won’t be stopping until we have to pee.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching the bottom just ahead of the terrible carnage of men and cheeses as they piled up. Then it rolled back to the top and sat there demurely while still gently vibrating. At the bottom of the slope, fights were breaking out among the cheese jockeys who were still capable of punching somebody, and since everybody was watching that, Tiffany took the opportunity to snatch up Horace and shove him in her bag. After all, he was hers. Well, that was to say she had made him, although something odd must have gone into the mix since Horace was the only cheese that would eat mice and, if you didn't nail him down, other cheeses as well. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#horace-the-blue-cheese #funny

I helped with customers who raced through the front door in a mad search for the perfect gift. One that looked as if they'd put hours of thought into their choice. And yes, you're right. They were mostly men." -- Abby Shaw, Sucker Punched ↗

— Sammi Carter

#men

WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY: In your case, ED is not a man's name. ↗

— Robin Glasser

#funny #men #men

After a few seconds of scraping, I realize what he has isn’t a trail, it’s a whole forest! Ack! Weren’t all men supposed to shave their chest and stuff nowadays? Whatever happened to having fuzz-free Hollywood heroes as role models? At least my embarrassment is completely foregone by the irritation at his lack of upkeep. The only thing distracting me now is that heady mix of musk, shaving cream and a distinctly…male scent. And God knows that is one seriously jeopardizing distraction. Especially with a whizzing needle in one’s hand. ↗

— Rucy Ban

#book-boyfriend #erotic #funny #inked #love

Once I faced a female with diamond skin," Nix said breathlessly. "I was transfixed - even as she was choking the life out of me." "Really?" " No, I saw that character on X men. I just wanted to commiserate. Alas, I have no weaknesses." "Except your insanity," Lucia pointed out. sigh. "Well played, Archer. then carry on... ↗

— Kresley Cole

#nix-the-ever-knowing #men

I Don't care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men! ↗

— Brandice Snowden Demon's Veil

#men

I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts. ↗

— John Zakour

#funny #humour #men