#funny

A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Don’t try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you.” “I hate you, too. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Everyone must work hard to imitate excellence. If we can’t afford a better house than our neighbors, we should at least afford a better spouse. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Writing metered verse is like working in drywall construction: stilted. Writing free verse is like having a heart attack: flat lining. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #funny

The test of someone’s authenticity is to wait until they think you’re not looking, then check the tag under their collar. ↗

— Bauvard

#fashion #funny #humor #funny

It's funny how there can be something special about that one person isn't it? ↗

— Marisa Calin

#love #funny

Nature abhors a vacuum. She is mostly made of dirt, after all. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nature #void #funny

To behold something more than life, one must scoop out the eye of plausibility with a spoon. Join the born fakes of surrealism eating the cornflakes of cerealism. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #surrealism #funny

Do you ride?" She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn" Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#funny

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. ↗

— Molly Harper

#grandpa #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #remarried