#funny

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year. ↗

— Derek The Ghost

#funny #horror #humor #scary #school

We're living in a funny world kid, a peculiar civilization. The police are playing crooks in it, and the crooks are doing police duty. The politicians are preachers, and the preachers are politicians. The tax collectors collect for themselves. The Bad People want us to have more dough, and the good people are fighting to keep it from us. It's not good for us, know what I mean? If we had all we wanted to eat, we'd eat too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. That's the way I understand it. That's about the size of some of the arguments I've heard. ↗

— Jim Thompson

#social-commentary #funny

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#funny #jokes #meaning #trying #funny

Funny how addiction was socially acceptable—even a status symbol—when it made people extroverts rather than introverts ↗

— Stacia Kane

#people #funny

Attacking a provincial lord in his manor house, surrounded by guards...Honestly, Kell, I'd nearly forgotten how foolhardy you can be. "Foolhardy?" Kelsier asked with a laugh. "that wasn't foolhardy - that was just a small diversion. You should see some of the things I'm planning to do! Dockson stood for a moment then he laughed too. "By the Lord Ruler, it's good to have you back, kell! I'm afraid I've grown rather boring during the last few years" "We'll fix that" Kelsier promised. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#dockson #dox #foolhardy #funny #getting-boring

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-funny-absurd #me #need #reason #women

Francesca took a navy blue sheath from a hanger and held it up. "This is darling, Gabriel. Don't you love it? You're right, I think we need to concentrate on much more feminine articles of clothing." He reached around her and fingered the soft material. "Where is the rest of it?" He was very serious, his dark eyes searching her face for signs she was teasing. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#christine-feehan #funny #funny

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous #funny

Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. Fun night. Oh yes. "Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #fun #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar

All I can do is look at him. Up close, I get a better view; there's no denying the fact he is really, really good-looking, in this rakish, edgy, badass, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-screw-you-I-don't-need-a-mirror kind of way. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#funny