#hr

Somebody who is Christ's must love Christ, and when he loves Christ he is delivered from the Devil, from hell and from death. ↗

— Elder Porphyrios

#christian #christianity #death #devil #friendship

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #marriage #wife #funny

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheap #christmas #funny #knowledge #funny

Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#customs #hanukkah #time #funny

You are hard at work madam ," said the man near her. Yes," Answered Madam Defarge ; " I have a good deal to do." What do you make, Madam ?" Many things." For instance ---" For instance," returned Madam Defarge , composedly , Shrouds." The man moved a little further away, as soon as he could, feeling it mightily close and oppressive . ↗

— Charles Dickens

#france #funny #humor #mob #revolution

If I owned a house that had a bathroom with no toilet, only a urinal, I’d call that the number one room, and I could easily both describe it and point to it with one finger. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #toilet #urinal #funny

Life is too short to dance with ugly men ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #so-true #funny

If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #scottish #funny

That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me. ↗

— Jon Acuff

#christianity #funny #funny