#hum

Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humor #spirituality #humor

I was supposed to write a romantic comedy, but my characters broke up. ↗

— Ann Brashares

#writing #humor

I like the sound of that, crashing Monica's party," he glanced at Michael, then quickly away. "What about you? That break some kind of vampire rules or something?" "Blow me Shane." "Boys," Eve said primly. "Language. Minor at the table." "Well," Shane said, "I wasn't actually planning to do it." Claire rolled her eyes. "Not like it's the first time I've heard it. Or said it." "You shouldnt say it," Michael said, all seriousness. "No, I mean it. Girls should say 'eat me' not 'blow me'. Wouldn't recommend 'bite me' though. Not around here. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #humor

Demon Pox, oh, Demon Pox Just how is it acquired? One must first go to the bad part of town Until one is very tired Demon Pox, oh, Demon Pox I had it all along- No, not the pox, you foolish blocks I meant this very song- For i was right, and you were wrong! ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-" "It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#retort #sarcasm #stubborn #superpower #humor

I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat. He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.” Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate #humor

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke. ↗

— Hermann Hesse

#discordianism #eternity #humor #joke #humor

She accused me of wearing pants from the salvation army." "Rose, your pants ARE from the salvation army." "That's SO not the point! ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

One day,' Orest said, looking at him comically, 'you will say something that is less than practical and sensible, something that is driven by no forethought and nothing but passion, and I will probably collapse with shock. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#humor