#hum

Well, pardon me for not knowing about the thermal-only panty rule,” I said, smirking as he dipped his head to nuzzle one of the silky bra cups. “I’ll rush right out and buy some long johns.” Pausing to look up with perfect sincerity, he promised, “If you do, I will weep. Like a little girl. In public. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #funny

Hey, do you know what you call a blond with a brain?" I asked, and the continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever." I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling. I'll keep trying." I promised. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor

I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy. ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #vampires #humor

Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#music #humor

What's your angle?" I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. "Isosceles," Jack quipped. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#math-humor #quip #retort #humor

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

I'm a big believer in putting things off, In fact, I even put off procrastinating. -Ella Varner ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #jack-travis #procrastination #humor

I'm making a list I'm making a list of things I must say For politeness, And goodness and kindness and gentleness Sweetness and rightness: Hello Pardon me How are you? Excuse me Bless you May I? Thank you Goodbye If you know some that I've forgot, Please stick them in you eye! ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#manners #poems #humor

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#sarcasm #humor

Another werewolf thing. Like most animals, we spent a large part of our lives engaged in the three Fs of basic survival. Feeding, fighting and... reproduction. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #werewolves #humor