#hum

When there's an attractive lifeguard on duty I always drown at least twice. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

Flutters awakened inside her as he fitted his hands at her waist. "What if I don't like it? What if I want you to stop?" "You'll have a safe word. The second you say it, I'll stop." "What if I forget my safe word?" His lips twitched. "All you have to do is answer a security question, and I'll send you an e-mail to reset it. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#funny #humor #jason #justine #kinbaku

I do not simply imagine that I am cultivated - I pretend as well. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #imagination #pretending #funny

It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much. ↗

— Bauvard

#exercise #funny #humor #outdoors #wind

Y are you called the cheese man? ↗

— Barbara Park

#funny #humor #funny

Así es. ¿Sabes?, Bianca di Angelo no es la única que tiene un hermano irritante. Ya va siendo hora de que conozcas a mi muy irresponsable gemelo. Apolo. - Artemisa. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #mithology #young-adults #funny

Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#heart #humour #random #funny

Bad relationships are not lucrative at all. There is far more at stake in good relationships. Good relationships keep divorces protracted, psychologists employed, and children in jail where they belong. Without them society would collapse! ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #marriage #relationships #society #therapy

When horsepower matches willpower, a road trip doesn’t end with the ocean. It only begins with a six pack. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #horsepower #humor #road-trips #willpower

I am the last reflection of the hero. Laurels are out of fashion, so my decadence is showered with champagne. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #heroes #humor #funny