#hum

I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

With his eyes and those hands there won't be a woman safe in all the world when he starts hunting after the ladies.' 'Courting, dear,' my father corrected gently. 'Semantics,' she shrugged. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#courtship #humor #humour #kingkiller-chronicle #kvothe

I'll take Classic 69 and semen-swapping for $300 ↗

— Damon Suede

#humor #humor

It's a token for the arcade games at Laser Sport Time!" Dan hissed. "Uncle Alistair doesn't think so," Amy murmured. "He's a numismatist." "He takes his clothes off in public?" Dan said. ↗

— Peter Lerangis

#dan-cahill #humor #numismatist #humor

Since my trips to Earth, I've only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall points: kids got Reese's, teens got recess, adults got recessions, and seniors got receding. ↗

— Tai Odunsi

#greek-mythology #humor #mount-olympus #satire #valentines-day

Life must go on; I forget just why. ↗

— Edna St. Vincent Millay

#life #humor

She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks. Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu." I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?" My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free." On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free... ↗

— Heather Vogel Frederick

#humor #young-adult-fiction #humor

They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth. -Plato, philosopher (427-347 BCE) ↗

— Plato

#humanity #humor #life #politics #society

For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient. ↗

— Jess Rothenberg

#humor #love #young-adult #young-love #humor

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#fear #love #humor