#hum

If women were as good as men they'd be a lot better! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#men #women #humor

Lines drawn into his face suggested he had spent many years thinking very hard over very difficult problems. ↗

— Marissa Meyer

#humor

He's so unlucky it's almost lucky," Gren said. "It's like he has reverse luck." "He's reverse good-looking, too" said Hyde. "I'm going to reverse punch you," Strag said to his brother. "That was reverse smart, man. It means you're going to punch yourself. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor #hyde #strag #humor

A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#futures-and-frosting #humor #marriage #tara-sivec #humor

How would you like to star in your very own commercial?" "I'd rather swim in battery acid. ↗

— Robin Benway

#humor #wait #young-adult-fiction #humor

I get no sense from his note at all,” said Will, bounding to his feet, “except that he can quote Tennyson’s lesser poetry. Sophie, how quickly can you have Tessa ready?” “Half an hour,” said Sophie, not looking up from the dress. “Meet me in the courtyard in half an hour, then,” said Will. “I’ll wake Cyril. And be prepared to swoon at my finery. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #humorous-quotations #will-herondale #humor

Jack and Jill ran up the hill, both for a little fun. Jack's plan was deception while Jill sought affection. And Jack wouldn't quit till he won. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor