#hum

Newspapers represent everything that is wrong with the world, in a slant that is too accurate, on print that is too high-grade. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #newspapers #representation #funny

Everyone is always proclaiming the decline of civilization, but it takes a true prophet to look into his wine glass and embody it. ↗

— Bauvard

#decadence #funny #humor #prophets #funny

Women's hats contain so many possibilities for subtle sensual expression. When I wear one, it entices the opposite sex with erotic suggestions which they interpret without confusion and which I have never figured out. My wife is always able to predict when I'll forget our anniversary, how thin she’ll look on my birthday, and who ate her box of chocolates on Valentine's Day. Without my hat as her radar, I would have absolutely no insight into her total inexplicability. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #hats #humor #mysterious #women

JESSICA: When did you last go to London? HUGH: When I read a Dickens novel. That was when I resolved never to travel there. ↗

— Bauvard

#britain #dickens #funny #humor #london

The head is a clumsy, ill-proportioned monstrosity. It is the understudy in a watermelon-rolling contest. ↗

— Bauvard

#heads #humor #watermelons #funny

HUGH: …I was hit by a man driving a Japanese car. JESSICA: The scoundrel! How dare he not buy American. ↗

— Bauvard

#cars #funny #hit-and-run #humor #japanese

Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#math #humor

But money spent while manic doesn't fit into the Internal Revenue Service concept of medical expense or business loss. So after mania, when most depressed, you're given excellent reason to be even more so. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#humor #mania #manic #mental-illness #psychology

'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken? ↗

— Ally Carter

#cats #gallagher-girls #humor #humor

Only those who leave home ever really find it. ↗

— Gene Ruyle

#life-experience #psychology-of-self #experience