#hum

Everything good in there, T? Niko quipped. You need backup or anything? Bag of marshmallows to roast over that little campfire you just started? ↗

— Lara Adrian

#humor

Dying is the last thing I would EVER do! ↗

— John Green

#humor

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go." "You're not?" Blake stared at her in irritated confusion. What was her game? "Do you think I'm an idiot?" he spat out. "No," she said. "I've just escaped from a den of idiots, so I'm well familiar with the breed, and you're something else entirely. I am, however, hoping you're not a terribly good shot. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#idiocy #romance #sarcasm #humor

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal. ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor

Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway? Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still have sex? ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor

You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #jesus #joke #necromancer #religion

College wasn't like the real world. In the real world people dropped names based on their renown. In college, people dropped names based on their obscurity. ↗

— Jeffrey Eugenides

#humor #humor

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German. ↗

— George Carlin

#history #humor #satire #school #uniform