#hum

Ares sighed "What are the three words said most often in our house?" "Not tonight, Ares?" Than offered. "Funny," Ares growled. "Cara never says that. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#sex #funny

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him? ~ Susan ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #funny

She didn’t sound overjoyed. She didn’t sound even slightly joyed. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

I’m currently imagining a few creative ways of causing you extraordinary amounts of pain.” Kingsley raised his chin. Mere inches separated their faces. “Stop flirting. You know we don’t have time for that. ↗

— Tiffany Reisz

#humour #funny

May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him. ↗

— Roman Payne

#funny #humor #humour #living #men

Whenever I open one of your emails it’s like you’re right there next to me, whispering your most personal computer virus into my hard drive. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #innuendo #intimacy #funny

If gossipers were clocks, they’d go tock-tock, tock-tock, tock-tock… ↗

— Benson Bruno

#gossip #humor #time #funny

To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king. ↗

— Susan Mallery

#girlfriend #humor #funny

Owen," Henry said excitedly, "I think Coach wants you to hit for Meccini." Owen closed The Voyage of the Beagle, on which he had recently embarked. "Really?" "Runners on first and second," Rick said. "I bet he wants you to bunt." "What's the bunt sign?" "Two tugs on the left earlobe," Henry told him. "But first he has to give the indicator, which is squeeze the belt. But if he goes to his cap with either hand or says your first name, that's the wipe-off, and then you have to wait and see whether--" "Forget it," Owen said. "I'll just bunt. ↗

— Chad Harbach

#humor #art

My bootlegger used up all the whiskey when he went on that drive, but I drank his gasoline before he left. I really should have checked his tank before chugging that bottle. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny