#hum

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#humour #weather #humor

I was just kidding, shuck-face," Minho said. "Let's all go over there. She could have an army of psycho girl ninjas hiding in that shack of hers." "Psycho girl ninjas?" Newt repeated, his voice showing he was surprised, if not annoyed, by Minho's additude. ↗

— James Dashner

#epic #humor #ninjas #humor

I'd love to...but only with you. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

You must have been going very fast." "I was, until I hit the fence. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#sarcasm #humor

Sing your life; any fool can think of words that rhyme. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #poetry #humor

The next day Georgia left for school before I even got to the breakfast table. From behind his newspaper, Papy asked tiredly, "Are you girls on World War Four now, or is it Five? ↗

— Amy Plum

#humor #humor

It called to him, a sweet heady beacon of femininity, fertility, and fuckability. His three favorite f-words. ↗

— Christine Warren

#romance #humor

Gas Attendant: "Thata ain't no etch-a-sketch. Thats one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet. ↗

— Diablo Cody

#juno #humor

You're alive!" Percy said to the others. "The giants said you were captured. What happened?" Leo shrugged. "Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You'd be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel." "I was the weasel," Frank said glumly. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ↗

— Victor Borge

#kindness #music #victor-borge #humor