#hum

Not too fast," called Raoul. "Let's not scare anyone." "His majesty said with all deliberate speed!" chirped the courier. He flinched under Lerant's glare. "That's how we're doing it," Raoul told him. "Deliberately. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor

It's a well-known fact. All women are clinically insane, but especially ballet dancers. Psycho. extremely psycho. Trust me. ↗

— Marisa de los Santos

#humor

It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die." His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up. After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Yves. You are goint to love him all over again when you meet him, believe me. You're married.' 'I'm what? But I can't be more than eighteen!' 'My son is very persuasive,' said Saul proudly. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#humour #joss #love #memory #phee

Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare. ↗

— Steve Harvey

#humor

I am a socially awkward mandork. (Nick) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

You admit nothing. Deny everything. Demand proof. Did you learn nothing in Boot Camp?" (Mace to Smitty) ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mace #sissy #humor

I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?” His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.” “Yeah, well, consider me an original.” This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment. “I always have. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humorous #love #humor

Look, Laszlo. I'll have the dentist with me, and I don't want to alarm her any more than necessary. So take Vanna out of the backseat and stick her in the trunk." Shanna halted. Her mouth dropped open. Her throat seized up, making it hard to breathe. I don't care how much crap you have in the trunk. We're not driving around with a naked body in the car." Oh no! She gasped for air. He was a hit man. ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#irony #humor

The lustful glances thrown his way made me wish he wasn’t such a damned bowl of eye candy." - Cat re: Bones ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #humor