#hum

Mencius said that human nature is good. I disagree with that. ↗

— Xun Zi

#good #human #human nature #i #nature

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#deceit #deceived #deception #delirious #funny

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#because #government #humans #nature #need

Middle school is kind of like Middle-earth. It’s a magical journey filled with elves, dwarves, hobbits, queens, kings, and a few corrupt wizards. Word to the wise: pick your traveling companions well. Ones with the courage and moral fiber to persevere. Ones who wield their lip gloss like magic wands when confronted with danger. This way, when you pass through the congested hallways rife with pernicious diversion, you achieve your desired destination—or at least your next class. -CeCee, Lucy and CeCee's How to Survive (and Thrive) in Middle School ↗

— Kimberly Dana

#girls #humor #middle-school #tweens #courage

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#politics #humor

It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #immortals #teenager #humor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ↗

— Garrison Keillor

#cats #humor #humor

Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head." Eddie DeChooch ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't. ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor #memory #recall #humor

[Home Economics Textbook from 1950]: "Make [your husband] comfortable. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in low, soft, soothing tones, allowing him to relax and unwind." Mama Celia: "Place a pillow over his head and hold it there until he promises to do at least one household chore a month. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor