#hum

She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it. ↗

You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?” “How does McDonald’s sound?” “Inadequate. ↗

Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

It's a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don't find it. If you don't give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#funny

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party! ↗

— Ron White

#humor #inspirational #party #funny

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#science #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

Me: “Ngh” Cal: “Well put.” ...... Every Boy's Got One ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗