#hum

When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hospitality #humor #random #random-thought

Never underestimate the power of cookies. ↗

— Marisa Baggett

#humor #food

The poor spend all their free time drinking. It helps cope with the terrible drudgery of obtaining food stamps. An ethic of alcoholism prevails among the upper class too, but they use leisure to deal with it. ↗

— Bauvard

#drinking #food-stamps #funny #humor #leisure

Is there a gun that shoots rain? Oh yeah, water guns. How technologically advanced we are!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#civilization #civilized #culture #funny #gun

If I were a professor, I’d bring my cat to class. I’d be silent until it meowed, and as soon as it did, I’d stand up and say, “Lecture’s over.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cats #college #funny #humor #lecture

It took me a while to realize that I was beginning to flirt with her. The food must have been poisoned. ↗

— Justin Villanueva

#lovers-quarrels #food

Vegtables, what food eats before it becomes food. ↗

— David Weber

#food

His stomach could not tolerate the snails and lampreys and other rich food Captain Khorane so relished, and after his first meal at the captain’s table he spent the rest of the day with one end or the other dangling over the rail. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#food

I like bread, and I like butter - but I like bread with butter best. ↗

— Sarah Weiner

#butter #food #food-love #humour #food

Pamper a tomato, overfeed it, overwater it and you will get a Paris Hilton of a tomato. ↗

— Nigel Slater

#humour #food