#hum

What happened to your tan?"--Fang "It was dirt." --Max ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor

Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

Don't look at me in that tone of voice. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #wordplay #humor

Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance? ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #humor

I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them. ↗

— John Green

#just-like-me #humor

To be is to do - Socrates To do is to be - Sartre Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#politics #humor

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#drunken-behaviour #humor #humor

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #individuality #retort #humor

If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor #humor