#hum

See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?” A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#dreams

The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed. ↗

— Charlotte Bronte

#charms #dreams #heart #hidden #hopes

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future. ↗

— Bauvard

#contraception #funny #humor #funny

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #future #humor #love #lust

Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#sexual #thought #dreams

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them. My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#foreign-countries #fun #holidays #humor #traffic

On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #surreal #dreams

He committed the crime of stupidity while under my command," said Citizen. "Oh my," said Rigg. "They're handing out the death penalty for that these days? ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#military #death

It's not necrophilia if she still has a pulse... ↗

— Scott Jonathan Nixon

#death

That's a lot of vegetables. "It is, yes, and if you eat them like a good girl..." He lifted the silver lid on another plate, revealed a small pizza, with pepperoni arranged into a smiley face. She tried to give him a stony stare, but the laugh won out. "You think you're cute, don't you, pal?" "Adorable." "In this case, you can have adorable. Ow!" She managed the stony stare when he slapped her hand away from the pizza. "Vegetables first. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#roarke #roarke-humor #death