#hum

All's fair in love and war," said Ron brightly, "and this is a bit of both. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#love #relationships #death

I love you.' 'Yeah, well...' 'You make my heart want to beat.' 'That's nice and creepy. But I'm with Fletcher.(...) Also, these proclamations of your undying love for me are getting kind of... it's a bit much to be honest. Just hold back a little.' 'But my love for you is eternal.' 'That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #death

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#enemies #flavia-de-luce #humor #intelligence #sarcasm

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ↗

— George Carlin

#funny-but-true #humor #death

You see... I'm holy. Holey, Fred, geddit?" "Pathetic," he told George. "Pathetic! With the whole wide world of ear-related humor before you, you go with holey? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #puns #twins #death

Nuala, can we just have, like, a cease-fire? I mean, you can go back to calling me an ass and trying to lure me to my death tomorrow and I'll go back to treating you like a psychotic bitch and researching ways to exorcise you in the morning, but seriously, can we just have a cease-fire for tonight? ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#death

Break ups aren't fair. Why does only one person have power? We both agreed to start dating. Why do you get to make the decision to end it? Shouldn't it be a joint decision too? Relationships aren't a democracy. Not everyone gets an equal vote. ↗

— Alyssa Rose Ivy

#relationships #truth #dating

If a boy doesn't respect his mother...run! ↗

— Tracy Yates

#humor #relationships #dating

I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date. ↗

— Stephanie McAfee

#dating #humor #dating