#hum

The ultimate sexist put-down: the prick which lies down on the job. The ultimate weapon in the war between the sexes: the limp prick. The banner of the enemy's encampment: the prick at half-mast. The symbol of the apocalypse: the atomic warhead prick which self-destructs. That was the basic inequity which could never be righted: not that the male had a wonderful added attraction called a penis, but that the female had a wonderful all-weather cunt. Neither storm nor sleet nor dark of night could faze it. It was always there, always ready. Quite terrifying, when you think about it. No wonder men hated women. No wonder they invented the myth of female inadequacy. ↗

— Erica Jong

#humor #men #sexism #women #humor

Thou art hunger, yo. Make with the starvation. ↗

— Jackie Morse Kessler

#art

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

She nodded, grabbed her purse out of the drawer and skedaddled, walking like she was on a catwalk, one foot in front of the other, her ass swaying under the skirt of her expensive, tailored suit. Bitch. I thought again, watching her go. “No comparison,” Luke said after the door closed behind Dawn and I turned to him. “Excuse me?” “Dawn’s a man eater. You’re not. No comparison,” Luke answered and I didn’t know how to take that. “Is that good?” The half-smile came back. “Most men prefer to do the eating.” Holy fucking cow. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humourous #romance #men

His ear heard more than what was said to him, and his slow speech had overtones not of thought, but of understanding beyond thought. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#men

Because you're beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasure of existence. ↗

— John Green

#inspirational #beauty

The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time. ↗

— Robin P. Williams

#men #men

One of my professors once told me that the last official act of the British monarchy was when Queen Victoria refused to sign a law that made same-sex acts illegal. It would have made me think more highly of her, except the reason she objected was because she didn’t believe women would do anything like that. Parliament rewrote the law so it was specific to men, and she signed it. A tribute to enlightenment, Queen Victoria was not. Neither, as I have observed before, are werewolf packs. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#history #humor #queen-victoria #shifters #urban-fantasy

Look at all the things that can go wrong for men. There’s the nothing-happening-at-all problem, the too-much-happening-too-soon problem, the dismal-droop-after-a-promising-beginning problem; there’s the size-doesn’t-matter-except-in-my-case problem, the failing-to-deliver-the-goods problem…and what do women have to worry about? A handful of cellulite? Join the club. A spot of I-wonder-how-I-rank? Ditto. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#hornby #humor #humour #man #manliness

My wife was always nagging me to wear my seat belt. I got tired of listening, so I spotted a pedestrian to take my place. As we passed each other through the windshield, I handed off my wedding ring. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #hit-and-runs #humor #marriage #marriage