#hum

I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary." His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels strange to have that kind of power over someone. "I mean, you're crazy good at it for a stoner who couldn't seem to get his shit together academically at all," I add. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#drugs #funny #humor #survival #funny

Why is she afraid?" he asked. "She's not Anjin-san. Just a little nervous. Please excuse her. She's never seen a foreigner close to before." "Tell her when the moon's full, barbarians sprout horns and fire comes out of our mouths like dragons. ↗

— James Clavell

#humor #funny

I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honor #humor #parade #funny

You better check your playlist. Because you are on the wrong track. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #humor

Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #humor #relationship #funny

I don’t like crude oil, because it’s so vulgar. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #oil #vulgar #funny

The perfect vehicle to take to the moon would be a two-door Saturn with a sunroof. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #moon #saturn #sunroof #vehicle

I always leave the toilet seat up. It’s just easier to wash my hair that way. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny

The room fell silent. I frankly didn't know what I was going to do to help Eduardo, but I had the sense that he was right- no one else could help him, and without help, all that he'd done would crumble. Plus, I like being called his only hope. I felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi. ↗

— Tod Goldberg

#humor #jedi #leia #spy #star-wars