#hum

If Myrnin pokes his crazy head up before then, call me and try to keep him, you know, stable.' 'Is he UNstable?' 'I don't know, how can I tell? You're the crazy whisperer!' She had a point. Claire couldn't help but smile about that. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #humorous #funny

Much of the Kama Sutra is like origami; I don’t quite understand all the bending that needs to happen. ↗

— Erica Goros

#humor #sex #funny

A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? ↗

— Renita D'Silva

#funny-humor #humor #humour #india #indian-author

Isn’t he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour? ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #funny

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a pupil as in student. Seems a bit silly to try to teach eyes patience, because they enjoy staring at a blank screen every night while their surrounding body is prone to lying prone in bed for eight hours. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously, it was a little nap. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #romance-funny #funny