#hum

Haven't you ever heard of interracial marriage? It's all the rage in civilized countries. ↗

— E. Lockhart Fly On the Wall: How One Girl Saw Everything

#marriage

By the time I had gathered my wits sufficiently to press the point the lamps had guttered out and Brisbane was sleeping heavily fatigued by his effortshighly successful efforts I must confessto divert me from the investigation. I lay awake physically satisfied but deeply annoyed. Even after nine months of marriage I was still not entirely comfortable with my responses to his physical overtures. The merest touch from him and all reasonable though seemed to fly out of my head. It was most disconcerting and more so because he apparently knew it I thought irritable. ↗

— Deanna Raybourn

#marriage

My marriage counselor gives me a lot of helpful advice. She says things like ‘Naughty husband,’ and ‘Right there,’ and ‘Yeah, more. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #marriage #marriage

While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#humor #humourous-situations #jeopardy #jingle #love

A man is not complete until he is married, then he is finished. ↗

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

#finished #gabor #humour #life #love

A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You’ll also need duct tape, an empty car trunk, a getaway driver, and the most opportune moment to snatch your mother-in-law away to never be seen or heard from again. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#humor #marriage #women-s-strength #marriage

Novels are written word by word. If you can write a word, and then another word, you can write a novel—assuming your novel will be two words long. Here’s a two-word romance novel: I do. It’s also a murder mystery.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #marriage #murder #murder-mystery #mystery

The computer is incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. Man is unbelievably slow, inaccurate, and brilliant. The marriage of the two is a force beyond calculation. ↗

— Muhammad Waseem

#computerm-marriage #human #poetry #marriage

Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance ↗

— Jimmy Kimmel

#humour #marriage #marriage