#hum

If at first you do succed, try to hide your astonishment! ↗

— Harry F. Banks

#humor

An eye for an eye my friend. ↗

— Tsugumi Ohba

#death #eye #fiction #friend #humor

When will it begin, anyway?" Sirus held his gaze for a moment, his eyes full of concern- a concern that Joss didn't understand. "Probably sooner than you're ready for." "When's that?" "Well." Sirus sighed, as if doing the math in his head."It'll take us about three minutes to gather this stuff and get to the cabin, and another two or three for Abraham to realize you're here. So I'd say you have about seven more minutes of freedom left. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#humore #joos #sirus #freedom

Hey, uh, you know. Um. If you’re alive, uh, call me." I looked at the screen and said, "It's Jane." I closed the phone, thinking, Lame. I am so lame. ↗

— Faith Hunter

#humor #worrying #death

You are old and grey,” she teased. “And you’re never too immortal for a spanking,” he shot back... ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#humor #humour #immortal #mary-and-gwain #sexy

Immortality like this is about as useful as sunscreen on a submarine. ↗

— Elizabeth Marx

#humor #immortality #reincarnation #death

There are no nudists in cold areas. ↗

— Tsugumi Ohba

#humor #tsugumi-ohba #death

I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coil #danger #dangerous #drink #drinking

She looked genuinely confused. “I…I don’t know. He just seems so sweet and out of place. I guess I feel sorry for him. Kinda like a lost puppy.” “Great, well, can you just take him home with you then? I’m allergic. ↗

— Christy Trujillo

#humor #true-north #home

A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by giving them the gift that says both Thank You—and Fuck You.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny