#hum

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. ↗

— Graham Chapman

#humor #parrots #redundancy #death

Not really hungry." "She’ll eat." Pritkin said curtly. "I said —" "If you starve to death it would damage my professional reputation." "I eat plenty." "The same does not apply should I strangle you in understandable irritation, however." "I’ll have a sandwich," I told Nick. "No meat. ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humourous #death

It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done. I turned around and ran like hell. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #death

I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.' 'My accent?' 'It is quite silly.' 'So you can't understand me?' 'Not a word.' 'Then how did you understand that?' 'I didn't.' ''You didn't understand what I just said?' 'That's right.' 'You understood that, though.' 'Not at all.' The American glowered. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death

Don't do that again, he growled in my mind. Smiling, I thought. You have to admit it was cool. Cool? You are a devastatingly beautiful angel of death. If death came for me and it looked like you, I'd go willingly. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#beauty

A romantic man often feels more uplifted with two women than with one: his love seems to hit the ideal mark somewhere between two different faces. ↗

— Elizabeth Bowen

#men #romance #death

Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #death

Your father sounds frightening," Trayton said. "He once made a general cry." "No." "I shit you not. The guy had to retire after that. I mean, really, who's going to follow your orders after some damn colonel's reduced you to tears? ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#death

Either this wallpaper goes, or I do. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #death