#hum

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humor

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot. ↗

— Ann Aguirre

#humor

Werewolves? Oh please, just plain stupid. Who wants to get it on with a man ruled by his inner dog? ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

The exquisite code of politeness of the Woosters prevented me clipping her one on the ear-hole, but I would have given a shilling to be able to do it. There seemed to me something deliberately fat-headed in the way she persisted in missing the gist. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

Nothing bad can happen to a writer. Everything is material. ↗

— Philip Roth

#humor

a technician who uses the term “glitch” is like a Doctor who tells you you’re suffering from a “thingy,” except the doctor won’t tell you to go home and try turning yourself on and off again. ↗

— John Connolly

#humor #technician #humor

I love you. You are the object of my affection and the object of my sentence. ↗

— Mignon Fogarty

#humor #humor

We had a good time together. 3:33, to be exact. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#time #humor

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

I'm on the Internet. I stay informed. They let old people on the Internet, you know. ↗

— Stephen Emond

#humor #internet #humor