#hum

I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. ↗

— Amy Sedaris

#pets #humor

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#irish #song #war #humor

I just can't fathom why anyone would stand on a ledge when there's a respectable amount of walking space right next to it. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#politics #humor

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome, ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin-and-hobbes #comic #comic-strips #comics #hobbes

Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #internal-thoughts #monsters-in-the-dark #sharks #humor

Hotter than me? --Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-humor #mortal-instruments #humor

Because baby, I'm wild pussy and wild pussy can't be bought. Wild pussy doesn't like having pretty things thrown at it and being expected to do the samba on someone's cock in return. Wild pussy doesn't do deals. Wild pussy lives free and for itself and takes it however it likes it; on a bed, on a couch, on the hood of a car, in a bathroom stall or up against a wall in an alleyway and it laughs the entire time. I've known you for a while now Chase. I know you've never had wild pussy and I know you never will. Wild pussy doesn't fuck uptight cock. And it sure as hell doesn't like silk boxers ↗

— Madeline Sheehan

#humor #sex #humor