#hum

A pity it was so early in the day and I couldn't treat myself to the roller coaster. we'll have to come back, you and I, and make up for it." "Sure, when I've lost my mind and want to rush screaming through the air in a little car. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#death

And you know," Jeanne said, looking down at Sylvia with her hands on her hips, "that's how I want to go. Taking my own way out... and totally pissing everybody off at the end. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#death

Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him. ↗

— Jennifer Daydreamer

#humorous #madness #dreams

I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#death #funny-but-sad #goals #humor #life

Look at the stupid, poor people. Look at the stupid, poor, burned-out people. Look at the stupid, poor, burned-out people, look at their dead baby. It's death porn for the masses. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#humor #death

I'd heard that if you saw a Reaper, you saw what you expected to see, what you thought the agents of Death would look like. Personally, I wanted to see little, fuzzy pink bunnies, but apparently my subconscious visualized tall, scary, and skeletal. My subconscious and I needed to have a long talk. ↗

— Lisa Shearin

#humor #subconscious #death

love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers. ↗

— George Santayana

#philosophy #death

I`ve got a black woolen hat and it`s got Pervert written across the front of it. It`s the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn`t think. I just put my hat on Clara`s head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn`t figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby`s wearing a hat with the word Pervert written on it and these people were like, `There`s Satan! There`s Satan out with his kid!` And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there. ↗

— Ewan McGregor

#children #funny #humor #mistakes #death

It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of being. Because he had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp. ↗

— Jeff Lindsay

#dark-humor #dexter #dexter-morgan #dismemberment #halloween