#hum

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #funny

I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #smile #wink #funny

I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #insurance #on-quotes #oscar-wilde #quote

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#global-hunger #humor #starvation #funny

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#funny #humor #funny

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #good-omens #humour #neil-gaiman #terry-prachett

Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alone #bizarre #funny #hog #humor