#hum

I wanted desperately to get all hot and sweaty with this guy, but I knew from experience that hormones affected my sensibilities like alcohol or pot. In the throes of passion I tend to vow my eternal love to a penis I might use and abuse, with little regard for the man connected to it. I'm trying to keep that habit. ↗

— Susan Volland

#humor #love #lust #males #passion

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #search #experience

I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day. ↗

— Abraham Lincoln

#humility #prayer #surrender #faith

Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won’t march into a bin with the snap of my fingers. ↗

— Barbara Brooke

#humor #motherhood #toys #family

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations. ↗

— Jessica Park

#thought-provoking #true-to-life #humor

Just relax and breathe through your ass. ↗

— Lewis Black

#funny #humor #noremorse #faith

There was pie on the table when Tugs returned. Pie in the Button family meant trouble. ↗

— Anne Ylvisaker

#middle-grade #family

I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago. ↗

— Edgar Allan Poe

#human-nature #humanity #perfection #time #faith

Caliph Vathek and his dark horde Are bound for Hell, you won’t be bored! Your faith in me will be restored— Unless this token you find untoward And my poor gift you have ignored. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#faith

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? ↗

— Lewis Black

#atheist #humor #noremorse #religion #faith