#humor

When you by nature subscribe to the view that everyone except yourself is a berk or a wanker, it is hard to bond with anybody in any rational common cause. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humor

You sound so reasonable for a man who's been jilted. Can't you sound a bit angry? You just lost the best sex of your life. Punch a wall or something! ↗

— Bronwyn Scott

#hurt #romance #humor

I'm the first to admit that I don't write right. Now, relax and enjoy the show! The sideshow, that is. ↗

— Lori R. Lopez

#books #eccentric #humor #offbeat #quirky

Only someone you know is going to assume you know them by saying 'it's me.' It's strangers who use names, since they know you don't know who they are." I'm terrified to think that that almost made sense. ↗

— Tara K. Harper

#humor

There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes. ↗

— Will Cuppy

#humor #zoology #humor

I can think of only one good solution to this dilemma," Diego said, having spent the entire night developing a plan. You sneak into the school and carry her off?" Gaspar quipped. That is the not-so-good solution. And it would be very difficult to sneak into a house full of women without raising an alarm." A cloud descended on Gaspar's brow. "I was not serious. Kidnapping is not a choice. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#kidnapping #romance #humor

They think that they’re smart and that the rest of us are dumb. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

And LO and BEHOLD, I was on BOTH the six AND eleven o’clock newscasts! AND all the commercials, as well! (‘Day of the drag queen at one area high school, controversy at six!’) And it must have been a slow night because I was the SECOND PIECE of the night! The granny suicide bomber got the lead. BITCH! But I managed to beat out the president’s pulled groin and day six of the Jessica Simpson chapped-lip crisis! ↗

— James St. James

#humor

...we sang in church "Tata Nzolo"! Which means Father in Heaven or Father of Fish Bait depending on just how you sing it, and that pretty well summed up my quandry. ↗

— Barbara Kingsolver

#humor

Free enterprise runs on self interest. This is socialism and it runs on loyalty . . . if people were going to live by comparison shopping, the town would go bust . . . If you live there you have to take it as a whole. That's loyalty. ↗

— Garrison Keillor

#humor