#humor

If you tell me I'm sensible in addition to normal and wise, I'm going to punch you in the stomach. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #birth #bizarre #child #children

I’ve got a way with love. Away with love. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #sad #age

Face it girls. I'm older and I have more insurance. ↗

— Fannie Flagg

#age

Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #moon #age

If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #wife

Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

It was Lisa, aged five, whose mother asked her to thank my wife for the peas we had sent them from our garden. 'I thought the peas were awful, I wish you and Mrs. Thurber were dead, and I hate trees,' said Lisa. ↗

— James Thurber

#age

I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age