#humor

I'm a mother," said her mother, in her foodless flat where the dust did not dare to settle, "and I know what I know. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#mothers #humor

Question: What do you get the man who has everything? Answer: a concious. That guy is so greedy. ↗

— Demitri Martin

#humor #humor

So there’s this guy named Murphy and he has this law. I hate him. ↗

— Christy Trujillo

#humor #true-north #humor

Змейк умел приближать свой предмет через непосредственное сравнение с учениками и проведение прямых параллелей. «А вы плавитесь при гораздо меньших температурах», — говорил он спокойно, и Афарви с Двинвен, болтавшие на задней парте, вздрагивали, перехватывали пронзительный взгляд черных глаз Змейка и начинали слушать очень внимательно. ↗

— Анна Коростелева

#humor #school #study #teacher #humor

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald spot. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#humor

It's all fun and games 'till someone loses an eye, then it's just fun you can't see -Lars Ulrich ↗

— Lars Ulrich

#humor

I'd never seen a guy get the shit kicked out of him without a punch being landed, but there's a first time for everything, and my father had shown how to do it. Principle Spence offered nothing in return. ↗

— Michael Harmon

#humor

Don't worry...it happens to lots of guys. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Being a man given to oratory and high principles, he enjoyed the sound of his own vocabulary and the warmth of his own virtue. ↗

— Sinclair Lewis

#humor

It was a shame about him...really... ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor