#humor

Either this wallpaper goes, or I do. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #death

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling. ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#humour #jokes #death

The dead are way more organized than the living. ↗

— China Miéville

#death #humor #death

I won’t snatch, harm, or scare to death people with you or use checking up on you as an excuse to cause trouble. You’re worse than my mother, Rachel.” “Mine, too,” Jenks muttered. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#demon-dealing #humor #rachel #death

Robert Todd Lincoln, a.k.a. Jinxy McDeath. ↗

— Sarah Vowell

#humor #death

I grunted. It's something I picked up over a fifteen-year career in law enforcement. Men have managed to create a complex and utterly impenetrable secret language consisting of monosyllabic sounds and partial words—and they are apparently too thick to realize it exists. Maybe they really are from Mars. I'd been able to learn a few Martian phrases over time, and one of the useful ones was the grunt that meant "I acknowledge that I've heard what you said; please continue. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #men-and-women #communication

You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?" "I try my best. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death

Rock-a-bye, Bratniss, in your safe cage, These bars will protect you when mommy's enraged. If she should break through them, Don't have any fear, I made a machine that shoots tranquilizer darts at her if she gets too near. ↗

— Bratniss Everclean

#death

Scarlet: “But you’re bleeding pretty bad…and you’re probably in a lot of pain—“ Tristan: “I’m fine." Scarlet raised a brow. “Fine. Bleed to death. Whatever. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#death

She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo." ~Alex Sinclair ↗

— Jenny B. Jones

#humor #dating