#humor

A brick could be used as a Love Detector. Yes, it's true! Find the love of your life today. Don't hesitate! To find out how, please mail a check or money order to:
 Jarod Kintz
 12321 Gullible Dr.
 Jacksonville, Fl 32202
 (Actual brick not included.) ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#brick-and-blanket-test #divergence-test #funny #humor #love

The three species of pine native to Wisconsin (white, red and jack) differ radically in their opinions about marriageable age. The precocious jackpine sometimes bloom and bears cones a year or two after leaving the nursery, and a few of my 13-year-old jacks already boast of grandchildren. My 13-year-old reds first bloomed this year, but my whites have not yet bloomed; they adhere closely to the Anglo-Saxon doctrine of free, white, and twenty-one. ↗

— Aldo Leopold

#humor #pines #trees #age

Tesla,” the vicar mused. “That’s a foreign name, is it not? Hungarian, is it?” “Serbian,” I corrected him. “I’m afraid the ——shire Teslas are a scant three centuries in these parts, having constructed Tesla Hall in the reign of Queen Elizabeth.We are a restless people, and no doubt will be moving on again any century now. ↗

— Vinnie Tesla

#humor #age

The others would then fall silent and she would continue about doped gallium arsenide detectors, or the ethanol content of the galactic cloud W-3. The quantity of 200-proof alcohol in this single interstellar cloud was more than enough to maintain the present population of the Earth, if every adult were a dedicated alcoholic, for the age of the solar system. The tamada had appreciated the remark. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#astronomy #humor #science #age

Perhaps if you were to refrain from deploying the phrase ‘ignorant buffoon’ with a liberality most writers reserve for ‘it’ and ‘the,’ you would find a readier audience. ↗

— Vinnie Tesla

#humor #age

What the hell is this stuff?" he muttered, frowning at the oily spot on the linen cloth. "Pearlman slathered it on me this morning." "It's macassar oil. Gentlemen use it to keep their hair neat. Nicholas used it," she added pointedly. "Well, tomorrow he's giving it up. I smell like a rotten apple." "You do not. And I think it looks rather nice." He sent her an incredulous look. "I look like an otter. And everything I put my head against gets greasy." "That's why someone invented the antimacassar," she told him, almost smiling. "The-aha!" He laughed as he made the connection. "Of course. First they invent something stupid, then something ugly to make up for it. We live in a wondrous age, Annie. ↗

— Patricia Gaffney

#social-commentary #victorian-era #age

Ook, though very clever, was the worst fighter in the tribe. That is how he ended up with Grot-Grot as his woman. Grot-Grot had a bald patch on the top of her head, she was missing an eye and she smelled like a dead skunk. She did have a good sense of humour though. ↗

— Aussiescribbler

#humor #ugliness #age

A word to the wise an't nesisary its the stupid ones who need the edvise. ↗

— Eliga H. Gould

#age

The land of easy mathematics where he who works adds up and he who retires subtracts. ↗

— Núria Añó

#ageing #aging #aging-gracefully #economy #getting-older

REFUSAL When you refuse to tell your weight and age, people know you're fat and old. ↗

— Chocolate Waters

#humor #weight #age