#humor

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level. ↗

— Don DeLillo

#fear #humorous-truism #self-awareness #humor

Something about being rejected at Church Camp felt so much more awful than being rejected at school. ↗

— Craig Thompson

#humor #faith

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor

What about you? If I asked you . . . would you turn me?" Faith's eyes went wide. "Turn you into a vampire?" "No, turn me into a frog. Could you do it?" Faith finished her beer in one long swallow. "I might be able to, physically. But I wouldn't." Miranda had known she would say that, but still, her heart sank. "Why not?" She laughed. "Because my boss would kill me. ↗

— Dianne Sylvan

#vampire #faith

Religion was supposed to be a matter of faith. Gods were not supposed to jump on your desk and snarl at you. They weren't supposed to sit in your office smoking cigarettes. God's didn't do anything. They were supposed to ignore you and let you suffer and die having never known whether your religion was a waste of time. Faith. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#inspirational #faith

You need to have faith and trust, Moira." "And a little bit of pixie dust? ↗

— Allison Brennan

#humor #faith

Another night then,' Mom said. 'Maybe on the weekend we can have a barbecue and invite your sister.' 'Or,' I said turning to Rafe, 'if you want to skip the whole awkward meet-the-family social event you could just submit your life story including your view on politics religion and every social issue imaginable along with anything else you think they might need to conduct a thorough background check.' Mom sighed. 'I really don't know why we even bother trying to be subtle around you.' 'Neither do I. It's not like he isn't going to realize he's being vetted as daughter-dating material.' Rafe grinned. 'So we are dating.' 'No. You have to pass the parental exam first. It'll take you awhile to compile the data. They'd like it in triplicate.' I turned to my parents. 'We have Kenjii. We have my cell phone. Since we aren't yet officially dating I'm sure you'll agree that's all the protection we need.' Dad choked on his coffee. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#kelley-armstrong #the-gathering #dating

Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor #family

I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey.” Percy frowned. “I’m pretty sure that accent isn’t New Jersey. Who’s his—? Oh.” It all fell into place. Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She’d talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her head. “Medusa is your mom?” he asked. “Dude, that sucks for you. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#annabeth-chase #family #humor #medusa #new-jersey

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. ↗

— Clarence Darrow

#family #humor #parents #family