#humor

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
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— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#truth #funny

One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #piggyback #piggyback-rides #funny

I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #smile #wink #funny

I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #insurance #on-quotes #oscar-wilde #quote

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#global-hunger #humor #starvation #funny

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#funny #humor #funny

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny