#humor

I quote others only to better express myself. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#irony #truth #humor

He [Iggy] started reaching for things around the table, and his hand landed on Total. “You’re black.” “I prefer canine-American,” said Total. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

I love you and it's getting worse. ↗

— Joseph E. Morris

#humor #love #humor

Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. ↗

— Ronald Reagan

#humor #napping #politics #humor

Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#virtue #humor

You could start a fire with the heat between you two." "You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#humor #mara-dyer #ya #humor

Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#wisdom #humor

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #redheads #humor

Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something." Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #insults #puberty #humor