#humor

There were still few rules at Down House, and Charles was not very good at enforcing the ones he and Emma did make. This was well known among his children. In 1855, when Lenny was about five, Charles walked in to find his son jumping up and down and tumbling all over a new sofa. 'Oh Lenny, Lenny,' Charles said. 'You know it is against all rules.' 'Then,' Lenny said to his papa, 'I think you'd better go out of the room.' And so Charles did. ↗

— Heiligman Deborah

#children #family-rules #humor #family

Pegasus's dad was poseidon, the god of the sea, and his mom was Medusa, and evil Gorgon who had fangs and lizard skin and living snakes for hair. And you thought your family was weird. ↗

— Evan Kuhlman

#mythology #family

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

This sucks the hind teat. ↗

— Patricia Grasso

#family

That's the thing with Holy Moses: big as a house and scary as heck if you don't know him, but Charley Manson and his whole family could come parading through here and he'd give them you room key for a slice of sharp cheddar." --Ms. Fisher, The Last Stop ↗

— Kirt J Boyd

#humor #family

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #random #random-thought #silly

Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. “Christ, how can our family be mankind’s best hope? ↗

— Natasha Larry

#darwin-s-children #haylee-mitchell #humor #paranormal #ya

Must you always speak with so many pop culture references?" "I must, yes, but no one's making pop culture anymore, so I'm starting to feel dated. I haven't seen a new movie in two years. And you know what else I just realized?" The doctor stared at him. "I'm never going to find out what the hell was going on with Lost. I mean, was it just sheer coincidence their plane crashed on the island or was it this Jacob guy pulling the strings all along? And how did most of them end up back in the 1970s with the Dharma people? ↗

— Peter Clines

#lost #pop-culture #zombies #dating

Sometimes, you have to shot block a friend's prayer because she's asking God to bless an obviously bad dating relationship. ↗

— jonathon acuff

#dating #humor #prayer #dating

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level. ↗

— Don DeLillo

#fear #humorous-truism #self-awareness #humor