#humor

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now. ↗

— Morrissey

#rock-and-roll #humor

...slow and drunk is no match for fast and scared shitless. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#romance #taco #humor

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid. ↗

— Robert Fulghum

#humor

Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#heroism #humor #humor

She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees. -Artemis Fowl ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

Bite me, faerie fruitcake. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment." I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib." A what?" Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science #humor

Uh-oh,' said Gazzy, but Angel was so nauseated she didn't have time to leap to a safe distance, or grab a gas mask Bbbbbrrrrrrrttthhhhhhttttttt. 'Mother of God, no!' Total cried, doing a fast belly-crawl to the pool and throwing himself in. 'You said it wasn't your digestive system!' 'What was that?' Dylan asked. He winced and threw an arm oer his nose and mouth. ... 'Sorry,' Gazzy said miserably, but he couldn't help a tiny grin. Nudge was clawing at a stack of towels to cover her face. 'Nice one, Gaz,' said Iggy. ... 'Wait-that was Gazzy? Is that why you call him...Oh, crap,' Dylan said weakly. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #humor

I know how to use a fellytone now. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor