#humor

if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones. ↗

— Norton Juster

#fantasy #fiction #humor #illusions #imaginary

Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm. Our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs gets. It's really not even fair to everyone else. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#babies #bloodlines #future #humor #offspring

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Gwen Cassidy needed a man. Desperately. Failing that, she'd settle for a cigarette. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#highlander #humor #humor

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis. ↗

— David Wong

#humor

Just so I'm clear...you thought a brothel would be a suitable place to host a birthday party for a woman? ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor

If you hear voices, you’re a lunatic. If you write down what they say, you’re an author. ↗

— Dani Harper

#humor #novelist #writing #humor

That's right, bitch. Goldie Schwartz. And I'm not a fucking midget. I prefer the term 'fun sized'. ↗

— Jaye Wells

#silver-tongued-devil #humor

I don’t know what’s happened to you. You used to be such a nice girl. Now you’ve gone all stabby and whatnot. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

También quería que te entonara una cancioncilla, como si fuera un mensajero cantarín. —Me mira por encima del hombro, insinuando una sonrisa—. La mandé a freír espárragos. -Tucker ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor