#humor

Your head is where ideas go to die! ↗

— Dilbert Comic Strip

#dilbert #humor #ideas #humor

A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humor

Bathroom, huh? OK.’ she tittered nervously. ‘I’ll carry you. Just don’t pee on me.’ Helen laughed gratefully. Aridane was making an embarrassing situation as humorous as possible so Helen would feel more comfortable. It was something Claire would have done. Helen was still embarrassed, but with a few jokes and little bit of tact they both made it through. ↗

— Josephine Angelini

#helen-hamilton #humor

Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend." "And I to see you dead. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#vampires #humor

I'm your Beloved, dammit! You're going to let me save your soul, and like it! ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor

Every town you go to, they tell you what's special about their town. What they're number one at... This guy comes up and says, 'D'you know that we're the home of the world's largest frying pan?' '...Really! That is great 'cause I'm writin' a new book called Things I Don't Care About. ↗

— Tim Hawkins

#traveling #humor

There's nothing more aggravating in the world than the midnight sniffling of the person you've decided to hate. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #truth #humor

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#entertainment #humor #humorous #humor

He was used to being playful with women, teasing while keeping ultimate control. With Luna, he felt like a berserk marauder. He couldn't even spell control, much less utilize it. ↗

— Lori Foster

#humor

I am his Highness' dog at Kew; Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you? ↗

— Alexander Pope

#humor #subservience #humor