#humor

Closed. Plenty of time to see it later, remember?" He leads me into the courtyard, and I take the opportunity to admire his backside. Callipygian. There is something better than Notre-Dame. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#romance #humor

Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#tv #humor

I wanted desperately to get all hot and sweaty with this guy, but I knew from experience that hormones affected my sensibilities like alcohol or pot. In the throes of passion I tend to vow my eternal love to a penis I might use and abuse, with little regard for the man connected to it. I'm trying to keep that habit. ↗

— Susan Volland

#humor #love #lust #males #passion

Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won’t march into a bin with the snap of my fingers. ↗

— Barbara Brooke

#humor #motherhood #toys #family

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations. ↗

— Jessica Park

#thought-provoking #true-to-life #humor

Just relax and breathe through your ass. ↗

— Lewis Black

#funny #humor #noremorse #faith

There was pie on the table when Tugs returned. Pie in the Button family meant trouble. ↗

— Anne Ylvisaker

#middle-grade #family

Caliph Vathek and his dark horde Are bound for Hell, you won’t be bored! Your faith in me will be restored— Unless this token you find untoward And my poor gift you have ignored. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#faith

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? ↗

— Lewis Black

#atheist #humor #noremorse #religion #faith

Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true. ↗

— John Kenneth Galbraith

#truth #life