#humor

Kinkade sketched the occasional nude woman, and was generous about passing the sketches around to the men and cheerful about accepting criticisms and suggestions, which he seldom incorporated, as he had his own vision. He signed them O.McCaucus-Bigg A new soldier was always puzzled by this, given that this wasn't Kinkade's name. "O.McCaucus-Bigg?" "Braggart, are you?" Kinkade would roar. "Not as big as mine,laddie!" A good joke, suitable for thirteen-year-old boys and bored sergeants and subalterns. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#humor

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#german #humor #sarcasm #men

Ah, never," Nicholas said, rubbing his hands together. "Such an interesting word." "You know, Your Majesty, the only reason I'm not swearing at you right now is because I was taught to be kind to old men." Nicholas laughed merrily. "Cheeky whelp." "Does that mean you won't slay me for telling you that you're a thoroughly obnoxious, interefering, exasperating..." Runach took a deep breath. "Good breeding prevents me from saying more." Nicholas smiled. "Runach, my dearest boy, you are truly your mother's son. ↗

— Lynn Kurland

#men

Maybe I should keep you in a walled garden so you can't ever leave.' The image this conjured up was so vivid that for a moment he couldn't think how to answer. He glanced down at her, his mouth open as if to speak, but no words came out. The truth was, he thought, feeling humble, feeling stupid, he didn't think he would mind any more than the raelynx did being kept in perpetual service to the princess. 'Men generally don't make very good pets,' he said at last, and she went off in a peal of laughter. ↗

— Sharon Shinn

#romance #men

That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress,' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short,' he added helpfully. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#pratchett #quote #men

The Scriven men wore stack-heeled boots and pearl-studded evening coats; the ladies in their vast skirts looked like mythical creatures, half woman, half sofa. ↗

— Philip Reeve

#humor #mythical-creatures #men

If you have not seen it, FOOTBALL is a game in which men shove one another back and forth for no reason. They do not choose how, when, or whom they shove. All that has been decided for them in advance. All they need to do is follow the orders given to them before the game, showing them where to run and how to violently deploy the meat of their bodies against the meat that is running at them. They are doing this in order to please one angry old man on the sidelines. This old man is called the "coach" or "yelling surrogate dad who will never be happy. ↗

— John Hodgman

#humor #sports #men

Women are so irrational. Why else would they be with men? ↗

— Vasu Ritu Primlani

#men

I’ve given up men.” At that, he arched a brow. Be strong. Be confident. Be… Neytiri from Avatar. Okay, so Neytiri was a mythical creature, not to mention animated, but still. She was strong and confident, and that’s all that matters at the moment. “It’s true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature—and far too exclusive, so I’m playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans.” Because that was so much more mature. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#jackson #jax #maddie #men

She closed her eyes. “Okay, here’s the thing. We have some chemistry,” she allowed. “Some? Or supernova?” “Supernova. But,” she said to his knowing grin. Good Lord, he needed to stop doing that. “I really did give up men.” “Forever?” “My gut says yes, but that might be PMS talking. Let’s just say I’m giving up men for a very long time.” “You going to try out women? ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#men