#humor

That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours. First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s. ↗

— Brian Regan

#humor

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?" I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed. Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said. My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #romance #stephanie #humor

What are you doing in Nicky's room, Rachel? Oooh! He summoned you to the west coast, didn't he? Did you kill him? Good for you taking care of that little problem? I should give you a bunny!" - Algaliarept ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor

I was cold, hungry, and in a hole in the ground. But at least I had my elven porn, damnit! ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor

I de­ci­ded right then and the­re to ma­ke a snic­ker­do­od­le per­fu­me to we­ar, so that one day he wo­uld sniff me li­ke that. ↗

— Jessica Verday

#humor

Don't be stupid, it's a flying house! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#magic #humor

It would hardly benefit me to hold anything back unnecessarily, when I know what I'm asking. For you to find a needle in--God, not even a haystack. A needle in a tower full of other needles. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry. "Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better." "Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#humor #humour #humor

It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#humor