#humor

...God created the world in six days. On the seventh day, he rested. On the eighth day, he started getting complaints. And it hasn't stopped since. ↗

— James Scott Bell

#cynicism #god #humor #humor

Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?" asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends," says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it. ↗

— Alexander Theroux

#humor #humour #literature #reading #vocabulary

Sanity? Sorry, I don't ever remember having something like that before. ↗

— Tite Kubo

#humor

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#belief #credibility #fantasy #gullibility #humor

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for? ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#humor #jesus #humor

Its a perfectly good face, Sparhawk." "It covers the front of my head. What else can you expect from a face? ↗

— David Eddings

#humor #humor

Are you all right?” he asked Olivia. His heart was still racing with terror that she’d been hurt. “I heard a woman scream.” “Ah, that would have been me,” Sebastian said. Harry looked down on his cousin, face frozen in disbelief. “You made that noise?” “It hurt,” Sebastian bit off. Harry fought not to laugh. “You scream like a leettle girl. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#cousins #humor #humor

I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ignatious-j-reilly #new-orleans #humor

What the fuck happened to you? [...] You look like you lost a fight with a lamprey. Hickey, hickey...bruise, bruise, bruise...bite. I thought that thing on your neck the other day was just a fluke. I guess not--looks like you get off on picking up a few souvenirs when you...get off. ~Crash ↗

— Jordan Castillo Price

#hickey #humor #vic #humor

If you can't enjoy what you have, you can't enjoy more of it. ↗

— Richard Bandler

#inspirational-quotes #humor