#humor

This tree, though, had not been fed on, so it was apparent that the culprit was a bull (elephant) who was filled with testosterone but no outlet for it, so he pushed over trees. It's a great release for a bull and a way of showing his strength after a female has rejected him. If human males had the same ability, global deforestation would be complete by now. ↗

— Peter Allison

#humor #nature #sex #nature

All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. It's rather unfortunate that, in recent years, real estate agents have become comedy betes-noires. Rather like lawyers or used car salesmen. Every time they mention their job they probably get people amusingly making the sign of the cross at them or are subjected to some good-natured, humorous ribbing. This has the effect of distorting what I'm trying to say here, which isn't in the nature of a smiling roll of the eyes and a "Tsk, real estate agents, eh?" but rather "All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. ↗

— Mil Millington

#humorous-quotes #real-estate-agents #nature

Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.' 'Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture. ↗

— Honoré de Balzac

#comedy #good-natured #humor #mockery #obliviousness

Would you buy potato chips that listed potato by-product or potato digest as an ingredient ↗

— Michelle T. Bernard

#humor #natural #raw-feeding #nature

From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#nature

Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing. ↗

— Pat Connid

#humor #humorous #humour #nature #nature

Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into an oak! ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#humor #nature #oak #nature

It is just as foolish to complain that people are selfish and treacherous as it is to complain that the magnetic field does not increase unless the electric field has a curl. Both are laws of nature. ↗

— John von Neumann

#humor #nature

Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better mouse. ↗

— James D. Carswell

#humor #nature #science #nature

He was a natural Protestant when I met him.", Em would say. "He protested everything. ↗

— Jerry Pinto

#nature